Snickers with Dolphins

Fighter sub:

What better toy to have on the end of your 200-foot yacht than a submarine capable of diving to 1,500 feet below the sea's surface?

The Deep Flight Super Falcon looks like a fighter jet, with its thin body, two seats, two sets of wings and two tail fins.

"We just had to tear up everything we knew about submersibles and start again on winged subs -- underwater flying machines," Hawkes said.

He said Deep Flight submersibles are designed to be more agile than any creature living in the ocean -- with the exception of dolphins. The company says that because of the wings, the Super Falcon can go barrel-rolling with dolphins while traveling at speeds much faster than other private submarines.

Sounds wicked-cool, huh?! At this point in the article, I'm halfway through dialing the bank to take out a second mortgage on the house, I'm so excited. Imagine barrel-rolling with dolphins! I'm nearly giddy with the anticipation of the adrenaline rush.

Then I read the next sentence:

The craft can stay underwater for up to five hours and travel at speeds up to 6 knots...

Six knots? SIX FUCKING KNOTS?!? I can breast-stroke faster than that. The dolphins would laugh you out of the water. And what about "designed to be more agile than any creature living in the ocean"? I've seen starfish moving faster.

The final insult is the price: $1.3 million.

For a few thousand I can get a used speedboat. Sure, it won't go underwater (more than once), but at least you won't be the laughing stock of the dolphin world.