Huzzah and Happy Birthday

Having known our host Jar(egg)head all these...er...decades now, in honor of his birthday I'm going to offer something more appropriate and fitting than the traditional wussy birthday tune.

The Birthday Dirge (sung to the tune of "The Volga Boatmen" song)

Happy Birthday! O Happy Birthday!
May all the cities in your wake
Burn like candles on your cake...
On your Birthday! So Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! O Happy Birthday!
May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks...
On your Birthday! So Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! O Happy Birthday!
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et...
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! O Happy Birthday!
At your age you ought to learn
First you pillage, *then* you burn...
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! O Happy Birthday!
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Sell the woman but save the sheep...
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! O Happy Birthday!
Now you've lived another year,
Age to you is like stale beer...
On your Birthday! So Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! O Happy Birthday!
Long ago your hair turned grey;
Now it's falling out, they say...
On your Birthday! So Happy Birthday!