Burgle Bungle

Bad place for a stick-up:

With 15 customers inside, the 23-year-old gunslinger locked the door of the store on Walnut Lane near Baynton Street, said Det. Curtis Matthews, of Northwest Detectives.

The gunman jumped on the freezer next to the cash register and pointed the gun at store owner Eddie Gomez, who was behind the counter.

A quick-thinking patron, Thomas Santana, 66, then grabbed the gunman around his legs from behind - in a "bear hug" - as he stood on the freezer with his back to the customers, said Matthews. Gomez came from behind the counter and helped Santana, 5-foot-4, wrestle the 6-foot-1 gunman to the floor, said Matthews.

Startled, the gunman fired two wild shots, shooting himself once in the head - the bullet entered and exited his head. Still, he wouldn't give up his gun.

That poor bullet; it had to be terribly frightened and confused, lost in such a huge void and desperately searching for an exit.

So, Santana grabbed a nearby jar of Mott's applesauce off a shelf and slugged him four times in the head.

Santana must be a former jarhead.

Ahem.

Moving on...

The gunman...was taken to Albert Einstein Medical Center

He accidentally puts a bullet into his own head, then gets taken to the Einstein hospital. There's just gotta be a joke in there somewhere.